Reinventing Joy

This is my last blog of the year.  Ah but this is not my last blog ever! I've been challenged with a month of illness and working way too hard and way too late. Last night I worked until 8pm. Dumb because I am recovering from my back to back illnesses based on my low immune system and high work load. I am about to get ready to out to ring in the New Year with a new friend. What a doozy of a year! It may have had some set backs but all in all I think it was pretty damn amazing.  Opening my heart, maintaining my health, trying new things, traveling to new places, speaking up for myself, cutting out toxic drama, auditioning for national singing and acting contests and singing every chance I can get. I think I am going to continue to find my sound in the New Year as I get geared up to work out at least 3 times a week, continue to log my food in my WW online tool, prepare to take this PHR exam one final time, and get ready to rock my brains out at Rock N Roll Fantasy camp as I sin

I survived the holidays. I enjoyed seeing my parents and my aunt who is like a 2nd mom to me. We convened in Richmond, VA. I didn't drink a full bottle of wine. Only a glass or two each night. I was impressed by one cousin's recent adjustment to the loss of his father where the other cousin (his sister) troubles me. I keep forgetting that she is only a year younger. We have lost some many things in common. She's newly married. I was her bridesmaid(I mentioned her in past posts). Mom seriously had a "you can't hurry love. No you just have to wait." talk with me. I can't compare my cousin's missteps that landed her with a new husband, soon to be new car and new career. She's made some major mistakes in life, totaled a lot of cars, defaulted on several loans, dropped out of a full scholarship due to partying, bilked her parents for thousands and thinks she is living Rent the musical for real. It's not about the monetary things but it's a rea

Well, it was bound to happen. It's a small city and I enjoy an eclectic collection of music. As I was leaving a good Mellencamp concert. I would have said great but it was shortened by his bio pic at the beginning of the show- who do I see with another woman on his arm but Harvey. I had been thinking about him very often lately and wondering how our first encounter would go once I ran into him. Of course he was enjoying himself in the company of this other woman and laughing as he was walking toward me. He didn't notice me. I was walking past him and punched him on the arm and said "Hello Stranger." He spun around and said "Hi! How are you?!" I responded in my most I'm damn fine without your non committal ass in my life tone saying "I'm great and you?" He responded "I'm good." He was still walking backward as his date was standing there in awe. I turned around and kept on walking. It was odd and liberating at the same

So I'm sitting here at the Mellencamp concert and thinking- I need to really pursue my career full time in music. Of course, John, yes I can call him by his first name because he'll never read this blog! John made the executive decision to show a 2 hr documentary before the actual concert begins. Brass ones, Right?! If you're John Cougar Mellencamp you can do whatever you want because you're the star! So with that being said I have a 20 minute intermission and time to get some popcorn and contemplate my future in singing. I too can control the masses and make people wait an hour to see me! It's just that easy. NOT! Well, I will continue to find my vocal sound and try to hatch my diabolical scheme to rock it in the USA!

Ok, so I am not going to give up on my dream to be a rock star. I never heard back from The Voice but then my eyes caught a pop up add for auditions for the Kandi Project. Kandi Burres is the Grammy Award winning artist featured on The Housewives Of Atlanta. She made Tardy for the Party a success! If you watch the show you'll the song if which I speak. I want to keep trying to dip my toes in the music business. This is the year of finding my sound and i am not going to let this dream go. I got turned down for a job I posted for on Friday. I don't want to give up. I posted for another promotion in Elgin, IL. Its outside of Chicago. Cold but I feel like I need to keep trying to grow and learn more in the company I work for. Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.4

I lost another 0.6 pounds this week. It was tough! I wanted to eat the world. I am ready for the weekend and a little more rest.

I don't know why I do it! I do it every weekend and sometimes on the weekdays. I manage to Wallow in Self Loathing and punishment by watching sappy romantic Hallmark or Lifetime movie Originals about the sassy single lady who is buzzing through life and is trying to have it all and is plauged with being single. I enter into a surreal and often spot on portrayal of some of my own romantic failings only to see the TV "me" win the dashing handsome dude in the end. Her successful capture is sealed with a long embrace or kiss. Watching these televised happy sappy endings always puts me into this rut of asking "when is my Hallmark Lifetime After school True Hollywood Story Happy sappy ending?!" My fabulous and supportive friends will say things like "you are worth waiting for and so is Mr. Right." And that helps heals the wounds. But like an addict, I crave this weekly cycle of self loathing and have been finding it difficult to spiral upward out of m

I have been trying all kinds of assisted aides to help me lose this weight! I tried shaking some mysterious chemical that was supposed to suppress my appetite. Didn't work. I was working out hours at a clip and still manage to squeeze out some pretty good distances and times on my elliptical. But my weight was frozen in time. Suspended and unmoving. I was getting pissed off. Maybe I have what Oprah had with her thyroid? So I asked my doctors to run a battery if tests. Nothing. I realized I was spending on average $14/day on buying breakfast and lunch from the cafeteria. So I went back to EDiets food delivery and kept tracking my weight and food on Weight Watchers Online. I made WW Lifetime status over a lifetime ago and these (now) 13 pounds creeped back onto my hips through my lips. For the amount of money I was spending in the cafe, I have made the investment in having fresh meals sent to my house. It's really perfect timing because I am in a production of Streetcar

8/13/11 Got to Brisbane, went to The Valley for Girl's Night Out: Cloudland, The Bowery, and Kaliber(for dancing where I danced with a Sayid and Charlie look a likes from "Lost") 8/14/11 Went to cousin Zara's Christening at Catholic Church and after party at Kelli and Dean's(sister of Liam, parents of Zara and Kai) 8/15/11 Went to Ekka. Its like the Brisbane state fair. It was very big and crowded. Same types of folks at the grounds. Trashy folk, over dressed old folk, tons of kids, and lots of food! We saw all of the animal exibits. I even was forced to cross through an open petting zoo which freaked me out to no end. But ultimately I relaxed and got a pic with a baby cow. I almost was duped by a fake UGG stand luckily because the shoe didn't fit my feet well enough, I opted not to purchase. We saw a show "the league of sideshow superstars" very entertaining and fitting since it was a fair. It was amazing how much influence America has

Two Tuesdays ago Harvey had an Epiphany.  He realized after 5.5 months, he no longer believed he was ready for a long term relationship. This was of course after he agreed that he would try and prove to me that he cared about me and that he was very much into the relationship. This was also well after he introduced me to his closest friends and one family member.  After I shared some very close moments and my time with him. What was worse about this hijacking of my emotions, he called me that Tuesday night insisting that he "needed and wanted" to speak to me.  Me being a good friend and what I thought was a good partner, thought he needed some company because he was going through some tough times at work.  I rushed to his house to be there for him and was blindsided.  His words were a like a MAC truck t boning me against a tree that I had inscribed our initials in. He assured me that it wasn't me and it was all him and I wholeheartedly agree.  I gave him a little piece of

It seems that everywhere I look, people are paired up as romantic couples moving off into the Love Sunset. I am so tired of people telling me to stop looking when there is no such thing. I mean let's be honest, you promise yourself to not look but you still dress appropriately, put on makeup, and put your best foot forward. You aren't actively looking but what if someone else is and you don't want to be the raggedy chic at the bar. You want to keep your "For Sale" sign on but it's just invisible. I am trying not to look but can't help but sigh sadly to myself when I see another status change or have to stand up for someone at a wedding. My wise dentist told me today that things that work don't need work. I am realizing that Harvey requires work. It has been 5 months and on 4th of July weekend I had to have "the get your act together because I am not feeling like you're into this relationship as much as I am" talk. It wasn't fun to hav

I just overheard on the radio that Hugh Heffner and his most recent fiance have called off their engagement.  That man has been engaged a billion times.  And what a life for those girlfriends.  I used to catch a glimpse at the Girls Next Door and was amazed at the lifestyle and opulence these Bunnies had.  Perhaps I'm working the wrong angle.  Being a sugar daddy's bunny may be the lifestyle I need.  A cat that enjoys the company of young lady that has talents that he wants to support and spend time with.  It doesn't hurt that all that love comes with a mansion complete with a grotto full of parties with the rich and famous.  It's reported that both sides advised that it was a mutual break up.  He's 85 and she was 25.  Age isn't supposed to matter, right?  So it must have been his smoking jacket that he wore all day...right?! In other news, I lost 0.6 pounds this week and that was after a lot of Cancun-sun and fun.  It was a really great time with my cousin. I

That's all nough said! Kicked up the cardio.

Lost one lb. And worked out for 40 minutes and my ankle only "eeked" for a second (or about ten minutes). I know! I need to go easy but fat doesn't look good in the summer or on my trip to Cancun in 3 weeks! Still dating Harvey. Keeping options open and not putting all my eggs in one basket. Trying to log my foods daily on WW.com without feeling guilty. Going nuts, litterally eating raw nuts because I have no more bad foods in the house! I need to shop for food. Online food shopping is great. I shop in my pjs and pick the order up the next day at the curb of the store. I can even buy my wine online. Love technology! Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.9

So I haven't been blogging much because writing about how I've been living in total denial since I've sprained my other ankle isnt really newsworthy. I would like to point out that after several set backs I was finally able to "get it" and stay off my ankle and in the prescribed boot for about three weeks now. I see the Ortho doctor today and he will either clear me of the boot or order several more weeks in it. Wearing one shoe, a dress or heels are virtually futile with this boot. Especially with the show Xanadu opening tonight! I am excited and hopeful my ankle will hold up tonight. I am getting a session of Physical Therapy (pt) in today too! The show runs a full month so I pray for the strength to pull through the rehearsals and run. I am not able to exercise the way I'd like due to my injury but I have been disciplined enough to track my food and water intake in my WW food log and try to move a lot while dancing to get some cardio in. I am maint

I have now allowed my immobilty to thrust me into such an abyss of emotional eating that I am back at the weight I was when I first moved to SC. And to make matters worse, I am retaining water, have a date with Harvey on Saturday and just know he is going to wonder why I am wearing an Ugly Betty Guatamala poncho to dinner. I hate feeling so bloated and defeated! This darn sprain is not bouncing back as quickly as my left ankle did. I worry that I won't be in Play condition for opening night. My worry turns to grazing and self loathing. I got a clue mid week and decided to get back to basics even though I can't move around as much. I am logging my points, drinking at least 48oz or more of water and staying off my ankle as much as possible. I am tempted to do some quickie slim fasty thing but I think the starvation will only result in binging and feeling more sorry about myself. No way! I will resist and log and rest. I hope to hear that I am released from the boot! More to c

It's been quite some time since my last blog. I am back to my starting weight.  I'm retaining water like the Hoover Dam because of medication.  Medication??!  Yeah...so...that new musical -Xanadu that I was cast in...I injured myself at dance rehearsal.  I landed my last move, the right ankle rolled in then out and then popped.  I thought it was a simple sprain Ala the January Icy Sidewalk incident.  NOPE!  According to the Orthopedic Doctor that I saw this past Friday, it's a bad sprain.  So bad- that he gave me "THE BOOT".  I have to wear this black, heavy cast like behemoth of a boot so that my ankle is stable and heals.  I had to beg the doctor to keep me in the play that opens 3 weeks from now.  My director is FREAKING out and so am I.  I am more concerned that I had been de-skated earlier that week because of my injury.  Not that I'm hurt and should be off the ankle to prevent future damage, mind you...but because I can't be in the final roller disco

I totally blew it all away last week! Somehow I lost 2 lbs last weigh in last week but I ate those 2lbs back and then some for my birthday weekend. Update on the birthday date to follow. I just worked out for the first time this week! It felt great! I got cast in a musical and we start choreography next week so that should help with the weekly workouts. But this week I am all about the eye of the tiger! I am logging my food and drinking my water as well. I feel like I am never going to get these ten pounds off. I am tempted to do the shake diet but I know it is not long term. And I love food too much! I have gotten further in my exam studies so that I can focus my attention to the new musical. I can't wait! I have wanted to do a musical since I moved to Charleston! So I am typing this and sweating on my keyboard! Gotta go study and take a shower! Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

If you break a mirror on Friday but learned you gained 2lbs on Thursday? I am trying my best not to make a big deal of the weight gain but I can't help but think my luck took a turn this week. Work wore me out! I haven't heard back from a previous offer for an audition to sing at a posh Downtown steakhouse. I turned down a paying gig because the offer was from the weasel snake dude that brought a date to the 2nd date. If he can't run his personal business well, it doesn't give me much faith that he runs his professional business well. And the kicker of all kickers?! I ate a beef hot dog on the 1st Friday of Lent AND didn't work out! I am going to hell in a hot dog basket!h Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

8:45am I got my annual call from my mother It was the double dose of guilt call. Every year on Ash Wednesday she calls me to brag about how she got ashes and how she made sure to get extra ashes for me and my sister because we never go to church. I gave the same response I give every year "Oh yeah? That many ashes, Mom? That's great. Thanks for getting extra for me and my sister." She had glee in her voice as gloated cheerfully about her victorious visit to early Mass. She then realized that I was talking lower than usual. She asked if I was at work already. I had informed her that was indeed the case and she wished me Happy Ash Wednesday, told me that she loved me and that she would speak to me later. I wasn't able to tell her that I was planning to out do all other Lenten promises I've kept and made before. I am going to do some type of physical activity for at least 30 minutes a day for the entire Lenten season. I've given up TV, red meat, choc

So I only gained 0.6 pounds this week but I am the eye of the tiger now with working out. I have this horrible knack of losing weight and celebrating with food. This week I have challenged myself with working out at least thirty minutes a day for a week. I have three days under my belt. I am so excited but know that there is a Cosmo, fried food of some sort that haunts and will ultimately taunt me this weekend. I must try to stay strong and try to move every day for at least 30 minutes. Thinner is the winner, right? Why did I have tater tots two times today?! So sad! I think I am turning into a tator tot that loves the elliptical trainer. If you fried a sock, I'd eat it with extra salt! Must stay strong! Must find more tots! I am also going to try to run for at least half a mile this weekend. I have no idea why I am so scared to run. That fall and PT freaked me out. I guess I need to take it one step at a time. Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Last night marked the 4th date with Harvey.  I like to title simple things to make them events.  Harvey asked that we just chill on this date.  Low key.  So I titled the date Chillfest 2011.  The evening started off with a nice glass of red wine and I was expecting snacks.  That's what he said we'd be having.  Well, he surprised me again and "whipped up" a tuna steak with miso terryaki wassabi sesame glaze and a jerk salmon and steamed veggies.  Very WW points friendly.  I was in charge of renting the videos.  Harvey advised that I wouldn't be judged on what I rented but what I was merely interested in.  I selected 2 movies that I wanted to see.  Not what I thought he may like.  I knew he would think I rented them to watch what he'd like...but I seriously wanted to watch Red and Inception.  I like action thriller films.  And I just didn't get to the theater to see either. Cut to the love seat and the first film, Red.  We sat down and it was instantly co

So the 3rd date with Harvey was about 3 hours which is short from our past 5 hour dates but we still had a great time. The restaurant was tasty. The view of the harbor was amazing. I recall him mentioning his interest in living near an intercoastal waterway hence my selection for a restaurant. He was under the weather and loopy with the meds he was put on. I told him he could have rescheduled. He insisted that wanted to be there and see me. *blushing* I asked him the hard hitting questions: religion? Jewish, not big practicing. High holy days attended like moi w/my Catholicsm(Easter Lily and Christmas Pointsetta). I asked him about his family being ok w/him dating a Black Catholic. He said his gram is the only concern bc of the non Jewish thing, not the Black thing. LOL! We started to ask each other questions our friends wanted to know about the other. One friend of his wanted to know if I've ever dated a white guy. Duh! I have a feeling that I am his first Black woman t

2nd Date with Harvey tonight ended after Midnight.  So does that count as date number 2 and 3? We went to this great seafood restaurant in Downtown Charleston called Fish.  Can you guess what they served there? Before we walked in, I took him in.  He was wearing what I love to see guys in...neat jeans, loafers and a button down shirt.  Yummy.  He said "Look at you! You dressed up and look great, as usual." I was wearing the dress I purchased yesterday that begged me to wear it out that night.  I have to admit, I was dressed to kill.  Mission Accomplished.  He shared that he had a surprise for me inside the restaurant.  As we walked into this beautiful restaurant, we moved to sit down and he shows me my surprise.  Chilling in the wine cooler is a bottle of Chardonnay.  It was like gold to me because, I thought he only liked reds and also I knew it was a good bottle from his recent trip to Napa.  Apparently others from the restaurant were wowed by my reaction.  I was wowed b

I lost another 1.6 lbs this week! Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

This past weekend was a musical friend's birthday.  She has a gig at a restaurant and invited the party to come to her gig versus hold a party offsite.  She is an amazing musician. She's getting her PhD in Music.  Yeah, she's THAT good.  Well as she's playing her keyboard and guitar, she asks me to get up and sing Roberta Flack's "Killing Me Softly".  Not the Fugees version.  Lauren Hill would have back handed me if she heard me sing.  Roberta wouldn't be very approving either.  I got up and choked!  I lost my place, made up the words even though the lyrics were in front of me and was soft and weak with my projection!  It was my worst nightmare.  I hated my friend for throwing me up there but she knew that if I didn't get more stage time and experience, I wouldn't get the chops to do it on my own.  This young couple was giggling lightly in the background as I choked on every blessed note. The song was killing me softly and all I could think ab

Praise God!  Harvey really made a great impression. He was handsome, polished, well spoken, educated and sane.  I'd like to repeat the word "Sane."  We had a fabulous lunch date and it lasted for about 4+ hours.  We were talking so much that the server came back several times and started to believe that we weren't going to order.  We were able to sit outside in the sun. We had so much to talk about and didn't run out of topics.  The comfort level was well...sorry to be redundant...comfortable.  We took a walk on Sullivan's island after lunch and it was just nice.  We made plans to see each other later in the week- Tomorrow-Thursday.  Both of us reached out to the other the next day to share thanks and happy anticipation to seeing each other on Date number 2.  (Cue dramatic music). And we talked on Valentine's Day, wished each other a happy one and agreed that every day should be the day you acknowledge you care about someone. Contrary to popular belief,

It's been quite a while since I've blogged.  I had a whirlwind weekend with a visiting friend from NJ.  And then I jumped back into the work grind and the dating world. The visit with my NJ friend showed me more of Charleston that I hadn't discovered.  We went to the PBR Rodeo, a horse drawn carriage ride of the city, jazz concert, friend singing at bar concert, random musician show, and a lot of eating at great places and lots of laughs and great talks.  I hadn't really gotten to know my visiting friend well but that weekend really locked in who she was and I learned so much about her.  I was happy for that quality time but I had to take an extra vacation day to recuperate from the fun and food overdose. It was worth it. What I did learn is that sometimes it's best to be 1 on 1 and not always be a trio. I love to merge my friends and see how they mix.  I learned that I shouldn't make sociology experiments out of friendships.  I also learned that some friends

So my week was kicked off with being the solo HR contact in the office while my co-worker got skilled up to train a course that we're required to train to all employees and leadership.  Great for her.  BUSY for the person who has to stay behind and support the traffic that comes in and out of the office non stop.  It's January which means we have a lot of folks asking about their W2s and other begining of the year things that take a lot of time and attention and patience.  Naturally..this is the job I signed up for.  Some issues where highlights for me and others, I think I could have handled better.  I was prepared for the drama at the office when my co-worker took off for her flight.  What I wasn't prepared for was the anvil of drama that was dropped on my mind as soon as she left the building.  Yesterday as I was struggling to juggle two jobs and begging for a 2 minute break to go to the bathroom or eat for that matter, I am asked (although there was no other option/ch

Weigh In was today. I am down another pound! Whoohoo! I am not able to work out as much this week. A bad fall on the ice is making me realize I am not Kerry Strug. I had to file a Worker's Comp Claim and I go to the Claim Doctor tomorrow. The pain woke me up last night which wasn't a good way to rest up for training new hires today. I am going to keep sticking to my Weight Watchers and I am so excited that my job is going to do WW@Work too! I am glad. The program works and I am going to work that plan and stay instead of stray. Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

Today I was a lot better than Monday.  Whew! I was going to bail on the HR professional organization schmooze-fest but $20 was on the line and it was a learning/networking opportunity and dinner.  Go Pork Loin!  I kept my spirits high and made sure to look people in the eye and remember why I was there.  Dinner, learning and schmoozing. And I can proudly say that I ate small portions, all of my salad and passed on the roll AND cheesecake with pound cake crust(I guess it was cheesecake pie).  Anyway, I controlled my eating.  Go control! I learned a lot about Union Awareness and the most recent actions of the NRLB.  I also had a nice PHR pop quiz to remind me that I need to register again for that behemoth of an exam, enroll in a study class at the local technical college around the corner from work, and kick that exams' butt. Some background: I didn't pass the exam last year.  I think I failed shy of 20 points...which is so sad.  I self studied for 2 1/2 months while travel

I was totally OK waking up this morning until I realized it was MONDAY!  I don't know why it always comes as a complete surprise when Sunday lays down it's dreary, weary head and Monday slaps you in the face like Cher from Moonstruck. I instantly had the realization that I will need to get up before the 2nd snooze alarm goes off.  I looked out the window and promised myself that I would work out today.  It's part of my 2011 goals right?! So I figure kicking the day off with a mental reminder would get me back on track.  Some background: My elliptical machine is at the bottom right of my bed. It stands like a stoic metal dinosaur in a museum.  It was an impulse buy from QVC or HSN.  I can't remember -because I was most likely in a sugar shock guilt coma when I punched in the order online. My exercise reminder stares at me every morning.  What's really great is that I can "fold" it up and push it in the corner of my bedroom and pretend it's an artist