Reinventing Joy

Keeping in touch is something that I strive to do daily. Connecting in some way to make sure that my family and friends know that I love them comforts my soul and I hope they know that they are on my mind often.  I am sad to lose my Aunt Sonia today but I am happy to know that we connected on some level on the regular. I know she loved me and I told her I loved her every chance I could. She didn't know this but I thought Aunt Sonia was a movie star.   She had this awesome song to her voice as she told great stories and owned the most wonderful menagerie of crystal animals that I love to look at and not touch. She would have all of my favorite foods to eat at her house. How did she always know?! I'll never forget when I got my tongue stuck on a Banana Jello Pudding Pop at her house. It was terrifying but the crisis was easily averted by placing my head in the sink under hot water.  I would visit her and my cousin regularly and love to live the New York lifestyle in their B...

These last few weeks have been hectic to say the least. I have been knocked down and dragged around by the ravages of work, I went out on 4 dates with 4 different men in a week (separate post to come) and I pitched my last ditch effort to strive for one of my passions at work- one last time- and got what I've been fighting so hard for.  Why? Because I held on to hope.  For about 9 months, I have been working on a special training project with a different arm of my company. It was a terrific collaboration. I loved working with the team and they greeted me with open arms.  I reached out to the Director and told her what an awesome experience it was working with her and asked if she was open to exploring an acting role with me on her team. She jumped at the chance!  Her team wrote up several business cases of how I would be fully utilized. One Manager even wants to teach me how to develop curriculum which is a skill I need to master to be a well rounded Learning and Dev...

This is going to be a quickie.  I'm in bad shape. I'm trying to move into a progressive and positive funk but I'm allowing my work sound to make too much noise.  Last week I rushed to urgent care with severe abdominal pain. They ruled out appendix, gallbladder and found a new to me issue a fibroid which isn't the culprit. They "think" possibly it could be an ulcer. How pray tell did I get an ulcer? I'm allowing myself to internalize my unhappiness with not following my heart and what I'm truly passionate about and it's literally making me sick.  I know I need to change. I know I need a new work gig. Now more than ever I need to draw from my daily meditations and take action. My resume has been polished and I'm starting to apply for other positions. I believe that platform training is something I'm really good at and can pay my bills. What I really want to do- sing professionally for a living. Realistically, I need a corporate gig because I...

Today, I was approached by my guitar teacher to sing in a band with he and his brother. They recently decided to move to new venue and gig out.  I told them I was very interested but November and December were booked for the plays I have lined up.  I was assured I'd have plenty of time to learn about 20 songs(6 of which I need to play and sing on). Freaking out commenced after my lessons today.  Later in the evening I got a text that said we have a gig in 3 weeks!!!  I have been Rusty McRusterson for the past 3 months. I have avoided the guitar at all costs and forced myself to prepare for lessons. Now, BOOM the rubber has met the road. Motivation started.  I started freaking out about whether I'd be ready vocally and if I get cleared by my doctor to sing. I am honestly afraid to even do my vocal exercises for 10 minutes a day.  What if I re-injur my chords?! I can't do more vocal rest. I'll use the mic more.  I chose songs that aren't super über blow ...

This weekend I have the honor of witnessing my friend Brian celebrate the union of his beautiful wife to be- Karen. I met Brian at Rock Camp and we became fast friends over a year ago. He instantly filled the role of the big brother I've never had. This couple is so beautiful and sweet and fun. I anticipate a whole of fun this weekend and so far they have delivered. Rock Camp revisited. I am staying at their beautiful house in Fountain Hills, AZ and they were kind enough to pick me up at the airport. We will be singing and playing guitar at the reception.  Brian already knows I can only sing ten minutes a day total as part of my vocal ramp up therapy. Actually, since I've been off total vocal rest, my voice teacher advised that I'm only to sing Amazing Grace for 5 minutes a day with forward resonance. Last night as soon as I got in after a long flight we were singing the night away. It felt like slipping into an old comfortable pair of shoes. It was delicious. The music...

So today, is Day 8 of my total vocal rest.  I've managed to go to happy hour and still have fun thanks to my friend's pad and markers! I went to the beach on a whim.  I also started to meditate.  I am quite proud of myself that I was able to accomplish this feat for so long.  It feels longer than 8 days.   I managed to get food poisoning twice this week from bad lettuce at two different restaurants.  What are the odds with that?  I'm supposed to be eating better and I'm avoiding produce like the plague.  Hell, it gave me the plague! Keeping it light and starving!  Not the best way for weight loss at all1  My mom told me that there's a "thing" out there that is tainting the lettuce and killing folks.  That made me feel so much better!  And I'm eating salads like a friggin' rabbit because "thinner is the winner" has been my mantra for quite some time now.  But death by salad is not the way I'm going out of this world. ...

Today is Day 5 of my complete and total vocal rest. Let me rewind a bit for you. On Wednesday, 7/24, I wanted to find out why my voice was getting more hoarse and I wasn't even singing or talking as much.  Ok, I was talking a lot and sang just a little bit.  Ok, a lot.  But I only practiced 1.5 hours for the song I never sang at my mom's retirement party.  Why didn't I sing?!  Because when I got really hoarse, I reached out to my doctor and she told me the steroids prescribed weren't working.  She forbade me from singing at all until she saw me on 7/31.  She also told me to stick to limited talking too.  This was very difficult seeing my family and friends in NJ for a 72 hour period.  And I got more hoarse.  I sounded like Susanne Plechette. On Wednesday, 7/31, my ENT and I looked at my scope of my chords. Which is totally cool to see your chords in action.  However, I saw something that I didn't hope to see.  My swelling...

I've been silent for a while.  Blah Blah Blah! Where have you heard that before?!  When I am afraid to face the truths that creep into my overcrowded mind?  YUP!  It's like a broken record! Nothing has been going on.  For real! I was given my orders to be on vocal rest for 1.5 months and I've sucked royally at it.  I train courses all of the time at work which means talking nonstop.  I try to remember the forward resonance of my voice staying in my head instead of my chest but it's exhausting and quite honestly, I really would just like to have my voice back to normal.  I leave work each day praying that I will magically get onto a project that will allow me to be silent for a FULL day.  Not happening! Karaoke bars are my crack dens.  I pass them on my way home late at night and have this sudden urge to stop and sing a few rounds of "I Will Survive" and "Piano Man" just to get the whole crowd riled up.  But, I don't stop and...

Break It Down (Featuring Joyel) by Megalomusic This is my 1st songwriting collaboration! I co wrote this with the fabulous Paul Rivers. My friend and terrific producer. I've never done a dance mix project before and was hesitant to try. Paul pushed me to get out of my comfort zone and try something new. This is so awesome and so cathartic too. My girlfriend from college just said it was the new anthem for girls who dump guys. Lol! I am so proud of this work and I can't wait to try out more projects with Paul!

I can't believe that it's taken me this long to blog again.  An acquaintance of mine says that we stop journaling when we don't want to face the truths that reveal themselves. I think my real reason was because I'm so friggin busy! I sang with Sammy Friggin Hagar who says I have a great energy and light and told me not to quit singing, Lita Ford says I can sing my heart out, I left a band due to creative differences, I am forming a band because of creative alliances, I'm performing in a bad ass production of Love Loss and What I Wore and have one more weekend to knock their socks off. Then there's the great guitar draught.  I stopped playing.  I really think it was the result of being asked to sing at a local restaurant on the regular -singing the Blues.  I didn't think I could sing the Blues until everyone in the restaurant stopped to hear me sing.  The owner said that he left the food on the grill and just had to hear me sing again.  WOW that's a lo...

I just returned from Rock and Roll Fantasy Camp today. I am more determined to pursue a singing career than ever. Contrary to the ex who told me when we were first dating that they only say nice things because I paid them to(that should have been the moment when I should have let him go from my life but I digress)- I can Sing! I have been battling this pesky low self esteem about singing for a while. And I'm not 100% healed or Oprah at this point. But I do know with no doubt in my mind and soul- I can sing and sing well. And my sound that I've been searching for all these years isn't a particular genre. I hear my "sound" whenever I pour my heart into whatever it is I'm singing. But it has to speak to me. That's the key. I finally noticed that the songs I sang this week: Paranoid -Black Sabbath Can't get enough of your love-Bad Company Why can't this be love-Van Halen Tush-ZZ Top I just wanna make love to you -Foghat All deal with want...

Just had wine with 2 other G.I. Joe exes. Awkward-no. Delicious and validating as to why I dumped his ass- yes!

So... It's been 20 days into the new year and a lot has changed! We open Little Shop of Horrors in 5 days. I was called to audition for one of the most popular Broadway shows in history -"Book of Mormon". The audition went well but who knows with these things. I was invited to be in a band with a very unique name and sound- Shrubbery Transit. Our first gig is on the same day as my first guitar gig at the famous music location -The Windjammer. 1/26 will be a challenging day. But I can't wait. I am doing everything I've ever wanted. I just have to reserve a bit of energy for work. I need to be at the office at 7:30 each morning. Ugh! So far so good. My sound is frazzled but content. Busy with things I love to do = happy.