Enjoy the Silence- My Vocal Unrest
I've been silent for a while. Blah Blah Blah!
Where have you heard that before?! When I am afraid to face the truths that creep into my overcrowded mind? YUP! It's like a broken record!
Nothing has been going on. For real!
I was given my orders to be on vocal rest for 1.5 months and I've sucked royally at it. I train courses all of the time at work which means talking nonstop. I try to remember the forward resonance of my voice staying in my head instead of my chest but it's exhausting and quite honestly, I really would just like to have my voice back to normal. I leave work each day praying that I will magically get onto a project that will allow me to be silent for a FULL day. Not happening!
Karaoke bars are my crack dens. I pass them on my way home late at night and have this sudden urge to stop and sing a few rounds of "I Will Survive" and "Piano Man" just to get the whole crowd riled up. But, I don't stop and keep it moving and sadly go home to my bat girl cave. I sit at home in silence and pray that my Netflix or On Demand has something good to watch so I can get lost in something other than my silence. I've even been "forced" to actually practice guitar. LOL! Heaven forbid I try to polish another talent!
Sometimes it can get a little lonely being single. It's even lonelier not being able to talk or be out and about socializing It's even more painful not being able to talk to myself. I used to fill up a good evening at home with some good one on one dialogue. I cringe when the phone rings. I long to catch up with my friends but I have to rest to chops. I was doing really well but a few weeks ago, I had a lot of long talking days at work. And I have to admit that I snuck in a band rehearsal or two where I channeled Chaka Khan and Robert Plant (at least in my delusional way, I thought I did)
Vocal rest is not easy. I went to my all knowing resource-Google and learned way too much about it. One notable thing that I gleaned from my "research" is that there is a psychological impact to vocal rest. People become fearful of singing and talking. I have noticed a lot of anxiety when going to social events. I worry that I will talk too much. Binge Talk- is what I've called it. Because when I'm away from my friends for so long and finally get a chance to see everyone...I talk my face off! It's disgusting because with every guffaw and story I tell, I know I'm doing my voice harm. But I can't stop. When I drive home, I feel guilty and swallow the hard "crumbs" of the conversations as my throat tightens and feels raw from overuse. I'm sure there's a Lifetime Movie Original somewhere in this painful story.
I went to the doctor today and learned that I'm not getting any worse but I'm not getting any better.
Of course this vocal crap started happening when others had expressed interest in me singing publicly. I think what I will do is get the vocal therapy they are suggesting to learn better techniques to reach higher registers and use a mic at work. There's this really cool personal vocal amplifier that the company should purchase but honestly, it wouldn't hurt to get this for my personal use too.
I had also developed a painful ear ache and thought by ignoring that along with the hoarseness, eventually both would go away. The doctor checked my ear out and learned that it's not my ear but the nerve next to my ear canal that was irritated. It appears that I have TMJ again! It's really annoying and means that I am grinding/clenching my jaw again...this only happens during extreme stress.
I guess recently interviewing for a really cool job and getting all jacked up and worried each day about talking too much everyday has made its mark and has literally gotten on my last nerve! Great!
I really want to get back into singing regularly. Enough with the sneaking around! Good news-I wrote another song- which is a really great thing! It's a good song too. Grammy Gold! Ok, maybe not Grammy Gold but I think it's a damn good song. LOL!
I have to keep on keeping on. My mother has asked me to sing...wait for it..."Wind Beneath My Wings" for her retirement party next weekend. I haven't felt up to singing anything much less that song. It's a bit of a downer for a retirement party quiet honestly. But I'll learn it but secretly I'm freaking out about having to sing or talk at all at this big shin dig. I have to stop the madness of getting my quick fixes and then having to rest up and heal.
We'll see about the Retirement Party. The main focus is getting my Vocal Sound back into shape.
Some other upsides:
I've lost 12 lbs to date! How?! I've been successful with the Genetix Program. (Groupon!) It's a plan that works just as well as WW did back in the day. I don't have to count calories or eat foods I have to mix and microwave and I don't get hangry (hungry and angry). I try to work out 3 times a week but I've been a bit lazy bones-esque about this. I only get a few more weeks with my coach via the Groupon and then I have to do this on my own. It's manageable but I really need to remember how far I've come AGAIN. One of my coaches used to say- "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels."
The other upside is that the band is chugging along. These guys are great. So talented and super supportive. We have a mix of a lot of sounds...Funk, Soul, Jazz, a little Zeppelin set, and some 80s classics. No name yet but they advised that we need a gig first. I guess it's just the girl in me that feels that a name drives the motivation of the band but what do I know?!
Now to find a gig. It's a shame because 2 of the places that expressed interest in hearing my band closed. One other place is yanking my chain. I haven't been as aggressive with booking a gig because I am supposed to be taking it easy.
Final upside: Last week, I got my singing fix! I snuck in 16 bars of a song to audition for "5 Guys Named Moe" for the Moja African Arts Festival in October. The show has 2 characters that can be played by women. Lucky me, right?!
I was called back for tomorrow! It would be really cool to do a show with this production company because I've not worked with them yet. I also would love to be in a really cool musical during another widely attended festival in Charleston!
More to come. I shouldn't hide from the silence but embrace it. Now to take my silent butt to bed.
Where have you heard that before?! When I am afraid to face the truths that creep into my overcrowded mind? YUP! It's like a broken record!
Nothing has been going on. For real!
I was given my orders to be on vocal rest for 1.5 months and I've sucked royally at it. I train courses all of the time at work which means talking nonstop. I try to remember the forward resonance of my voice staying in my head instead of my chest but it's exhausting and quite honestly, I really would just like to have my voice back to normal. I leave work each day praying that I will magically get onto a project that will allow me to be silent for a FULL day. Not happening!
Karaoke bars are my crack dens. I pass them on my way home late at night and have this sudden urge to stop and sing a few rounds of "I Will Survive" and "Piano Man" just to get the whole crowd riled up. But, I don't stop and keep it moving and sadly go home to my bat girl cave. I sit at home in silence and pray that my Netflix or On Demand has something good to watch so I can get lost in something other than my silence. I've even been "forced" to actually practice guitar. LOL! Heaven forbid I try to polish another talent!
Vocal rest is not easy. I went to my all knowing resource-Google and learned way too much about it. One notable thing that I gleaned from my "research" is that there is a psychological impact to vocal rest. People become fearful of singing and talking. I have noticed a lot of anxiety when going to social events. I worry that I will talk too much. Binge Talk- is what I've called it. Because when I'm away from my friends for so long and finally get a chance to see everyone...I talk my face off! It's disgusting because with every guffaw and story I tell, I know I'm doing my voice harm. But I can't stop. When I drive home, I feel guilty and swallow the hard "crumbs" of the conversations as my throat tightens and feels raw from overuse. I'm sure there's a Lifetime Movie Original somewhere in this painful story.
I went to the doctor today and learned that I'm not getting any worse but I'm not getting any better.
Of course this vocal crap started happening when others had expressed interest in me singing publicly. I think what I will do is get the vocal therapy they are suggesting to learn better techniques to reach higher registers and use a mic at work. There's this really cool personal vocal amplifier that the company should purchase but honestly, it wouldn't hurt to get this for my personal use too.
I had also developed a painful ear ache and thought by ignoring that along with the hoarseness, eventually both would go away. The doctor checked my ear out and learned that it's not my ear but the nerve next to my ear canal that was irritated. It appears that I have TMJ again! It's really annoying and means that I am grinding/clenching my jaw again...this only happens during extreme stress.
I guess recently interviewing for a really cool job and getting all jacked up and worried each day about talking too much everyday has made its mark and has literally gotten on my last nerve! Great!
I really want to get back into singing regularly. Enough with the sneaking around! Good news-I wrote another song- which is a really great thing! It's a good song too. Grammy Gold! Ok, maybe not Grammy Gold but I think it's a damn good song. LOL!
I have to keep on keeping on. My mother has asked me to sing...wait for it..."Wind Beneath My Wings" for her retirement party next weekend. I haven't felt up to singing anything much less that song. It's a bit of a downer for a retirement party quiet honestly. But I'll learn it but secretly I'm freaking out about having to sing or talk at all at this big shin dig. I have to stop the madness of getting my quick fixes and then having to rest up and heal.
We'll see about the Retirement Party. The main focus is getting my Vocal Sound back into shape.
Some other upsides:
I've lost 12 lbs to date! How?! I've been successful with the Genetix Program. (Groupon!) It's a plan that works just as well as WW did back in the day. I don't have to count calories or eat foods I have to mix and microwave and I don't get hangry (hungry and angry). I try to work out 3 times a week but I've been a bit lazy bones-esque about this. I only get a few more weeks with my coach via the Groupon and then I have to do this on my own. It's manageable but I really need to remember how far I've come AGAIN. One of my coaches used to say- "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels."
The other upside is that the band is chugging along. These guys are great. So talented and super supportive. We have a mix of a lot of sounds...Funk, Soul, Jazz, a little Zeppelin set, and some 80s classics. No name yet but they advised that we need a gig first. I guess it's just the girl in me that feels that a name drives the motivation of the band but what do I know?!
Now to find a gig. It's a shame because 2 of the places that expressed interest in hearing my band closed. One other place is yanking my chain. I haven't been as aggressive with booking a gig because I am supposed to be taking it easy.
Final upside: Last week, I got my singing fix! I snuck in 16 bars of a song to audition for "5 Guys Named Moe" for the Moja African Arts Festival in October. The show has 2 characters that can be played by women. Lucky me, right?!
I was called back for tomorrow! It would be really cool to do a show with this production company because I've not worked with them yet. I also would love to be in a really cool musical during another widely attended festival in Charleston!
More to come. I shouldn't hide from the silence but embrace it. Now to take my silent butt to bed.
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