This Little Engine That Could...Did, Finally!

These last few weeks have been hectic to say the least. I have been knocked down and dragged around by the ravages of work, I went out on 4 dates with 4 different men in a week (separate post to come) and I pitched my last ditch effort to strive for one of my passions at work- one last time- and got what I've been fighting so hard for. 

Why? Because I held on to hope. 

For about 9 months, I have been working on a special training project with a different arm of my company. It was a terrific collaboration. I loved working with the team and they greeted me with open arms. 

I reached out to the Director and told her what an awesome experience it was working with her and asked if she was open to exploring an acting role with me on her team. She jumped at the chance! 

Her team wrote up several business cases of how I would be fully utilized. One Manager even wants to teach me how to develop curriculum which is a skill I need to master to be a well rounded Learning and Development professional. That's also a transferable skill that I see listed in external job descriptions. (Just in case I still need to explore other options.) 

Cut to Monday, I have a great discussion with the Training Director about the possibility of an acting role.  She advises that she plans to get some details ironed out and will call my Manager to discuss. 

Just the mere idea of having the opportunity made the cloud of depression lift and my heart was open again to the possibility of doing what I love during the day AND night. 

Training and Development is where I feel I make such an impact of the growth of employees. People to this day recall classes I trained and the lessons they learned and applied in their careers. It fulfills me in a way singing does. Ok! Enough with the Ms. Training America Speech! I'm so Sappy! 

Friday morning, my Manager calls me into her office. She looks like she lost a huge battle. My heart drops. She forces a smile and says that her conversation with the Director went well but she didn't realize this would be a Full Time thing. She had reservations about how to manage her business with one resource. I thought to myself "She's not going to let me go! I will spend the rest of my days in this job looking for a new job! What if I have another attack that puts me in the hospital?! I can't go through this pain anymore!" 

Hope wasn't going to leave me that fast! I fought!

I quickly suggested numerous job exchange ideas, interns, job swaps with other HR professionals wanting to get center experience- anything but keeping me imprisioned in a job that just wasn't feeding my development. She said she'd think about it. I could see that she didn't like the idea of having to discuss this with her Director because it was outside of her comfort zone and it was putting the idea in motion of letting me go. 

She has to let me go! She has to!

I remembered I had a skip level scheduled with my HR Executive Director that day!!! We had booked and rebooked the meeting for over 2 months because of our conflicting schedules. The day had come and we finally talked.  I had to keep in mind that I didn't want to step on my Manager's toes at all. Just stick to the facts and share my story. 

I originally was going to discuss how I'd try to get back to my passion and pursue training again as a career. But I had to tell her about the acting training position and my desire to work where my heart is. She was super excited about the idea of the acting role and jumped at the opportunity to discuss details with the Training Director(whom she knows well-BONUS)!

She asked that my Manager call her to discuss. 

My Manager avoided me as much as she could all day. I could tell that she was processing the changes for the new year. How would she tell my co-worker who was just as over worked as I've been that's she's going to have to do this job without my help in the new year? We're all fried and there was no end in sight. 

What she didn't know is that my co-worker has been cheering me on from the start.  She hoped I'd  get this acting role a)because she's a friend and b) she wants me to be ultimately happy and well. 

My Manager called me into her office at the end of the day and had tears in her eyes. Her Director approved the acting assignment as well. She looked devastated. I could see the duality of excitement of helping me achieve my career goals and the sadness of losing me as a resource. She asked that I still manage some of the training activities for the center. I advised that I would help as I could but will delegate those responsibilities if needed because I will need to be 100% focused on this acting role. (Extra points for standing up for myself!) 

I didn't give up! I hadn't been seeing a whole lot of opportunities in the outside world. I need more relevant and development experience and now I'm getting it! 

A New Year! A New Job! A New perspective! 

I'm over the moon! This is pretty much a done deal! 

The particulars need to ironed out.  I didn't want to let this job ultimately get the best of me. As sick as I've been and as angry at myself for being paralyzed by the fear of failure- I did not stop trying. I didn't want to have to leave but I resolved that I needed to do what was best for me. 

Hope does that to you. And I'm not done trying yet. I still have more trying to do!