Reinventing Joy

I lost another 0.6 pounds this week. It was tough! I wanted to eat the world. I am ready for the weekend and a little more rest.

I don't know why I do it! I do it every weekend and sometimes on the weekdays. I manage to Wallow in Self Loathing and punishment by watching sappy romantic Hallmark or Lifetime movie Originals about the sassy single lady who is buzzing through life and is trying to have it all and is plauged with being single. I enter into a surreal and often spot on portrayal of some of my own romantic failings only to see the TV "me" win the dashing handsome dude in the end. Her successful capture is sealed with a long embrace or kiss. Watching these televised happy sappy endings always puts me into this rut of asking "when is my Hallmark Lifetime After school True Hollywood Story Happy sappy ending?!" My fabulous and supportive friends will say things like "you are worth waiting for and so is Mr. Right." And that helps heals the wounds. But like an addict, I crave this weekly cycle of self loathing and have been finding it difficult to spiral upward out of m...

I have been trying all kinds of assisted aides to help me lose this weight! I tried shaking some mysterious chemical that was supposed to suppress my appetite. Didn't work. I was working out hours at a clip and still manage to squeeze out some pretty good distances and times on my elliptical. But my weight was frozen in time. Suspended and unmoving. I was getting pissed off. Maybe I have what Oprah had with her thyroid? So I asked my doctors to run a battery if tests. Nothing. I realized I was spending on average $14/day on buying breakfast and lunch from the cafeteria. So I went back to EDiets food delivery and kept tracking my weight and food on Weight Watchers Online. I made WW Lifetime status over a lifetime ago and these (now) 13 pounds creeped back onto my hips through my lips. For the amount of money I was spending in the cafe, I have made the investment in having fresh meals sent to my house. It's really perfect timing because I am in a production of Streetcar...

8/13/11 Got to Brisbane, went to The Valley for Girl's Night Out: Cloudland, The Bowery, and Kaliber(for dancing where I danced with a Sayid and Charlie look a likes from "Lost") 8/14/11 Went to cousin Zara's Christening at Catholic Church and after party at Kelli and Dean's(sister of Liam, parents of Zara and Kai) 8/15/11 Went to Ekka. Its like the Brisbane state fair. It was very big and crowded. Same types of folks at the grounds. Trashy folk, over dressed old folk, tons of kids, and lots of food! We saw all of the animal exibits. I even was forced to cross through an open petting zoo which freaked me out to no end. But ultimately I relaxed and got a pic with a baby cow. I almost was duped by a fake UGG stand luckily because the shoe didn't fit my feet well enough, I opted not to purchase. We saw a show "the league of sideshow superstars" very entertaining and fitting since it was a fair. It was amazing how much influence America has...

Two Tuesdays ago Harvey had an Epiphany.  He realized after 5.5 months, he no longer believed he was ready for a long term relationship. This was of course after he agreed that he would try and prove to me that he cared about me and that he was very much into the relationship. This was also well after he introduced me to his closest friends and one family member.  After I shared some very close moments and my time with him. What was worse about this hijacking of my emotions, he called me that Tuesday night insisting that he "needed and wanted" to speak to me.  Me being a good friend and what I thought was a good partner, thought he needed some company because he was going through some tough times at work.  I rushed to his house to be there for him and was blindsided.  His words were a like a MAC truck t boning me against a tree that I had inscribed our initials in. He assured me that it wasn't me and it was all him and I wholeheartedly agree.  I gave him a ...

It seems that everywhere I look, people are paired up as romantic couples moving off into the Love Sunset. I am so tired of people telling me to stop looking when there is no such thing. I mean let's be honest, you promise yourself to not look but you still dress appropriately, put on makeup, and put your best foot forward. You aren't actively looking but what if someone else is and you don't want to be the raggedy chic at the bar. You want to keep your "For Sale" sign on but it's just invisible. I am trying not to look but can't help but sigh sadly to myself when I see another status change or have to stand up for someone at a wedding. My wise dentist told me today that things that work don't need work. I am realizing that Harvey requires work. It has been 5 months and on 4th of July weekend I had to have "the get your act together because I am not feeling like you're into this relationship as much as I am" talk. It wasn't fun to hav...

I just overheard on the radio that Hugh Heffner and his most recent fiance have called off their engagement.  That man has been engaged a billion times.  And what a life for those girlfriends.  I used to catch a glimpse at the Girls Next Door and was amazed at the lifestyle and opulence these Bunnies had.  Perhaps I'm working the wrong angle.  Being a sugar daddy's bunny may be the lifestyle I need.  A cat that enjoys the company of young lady that has talents that he wants to support and spend time with.  It doesn't hurt that all that love comes with a mansion complete with a grotto full of parties with the rich and famous.  It's reported that both sides advised that it was a mutual break up.  He's 85 and she was 25.  Age isn't supposed to matter, right?  So it must have been his smoking jacket that he wore all day...right?! In other news, I lost 0.6 pounds this week and that was after a lot of Cancun-sun and fun.  It was a r...