Oops I Did It Again!

A coaching colleague of mine just called me out yesterday!

I was filling her in on what was going on in the last few months.  I shared that I worked myself into the energy point of no return.  I was burning out.  

She quickly pointed out that at the same time last year, I was telling her a similar story about how I hustled so hard I needed to take a break.  She highlighted that it appears that August is the season for slowing down.  But I shouldn't be working so hard until I'm at the brink of burn out AGAIN.  

Oops! I did it again.  I got lost in the game.
   

What's interesting is that we focus on bad habits like smoking, over eating, negative self talk but I think we forget that how we work can also be a habit that needs close attention.  

My name is Joyel Crawford and I'm a workaholic.

I hustle until I can't flow no mo.  

Building your own business is not easy or cheap.  I learned that for 18 years I had the support of an international brand behind me when I was out and about. Once I left the Corporate world, I had to create my own brand recognition.  

I became a Prospecting Princess.  Shaking hands and meeting what I felt was the entire city in one year.  And that hard work paid off.  I made some great connections, built up my client list and was able to make ends meet in 2016 and so far for 2017.  

I knew that I needed to keep the hustle going so I could continue growing my business but I forgot that I didn't have a Paid Time Off Policy in place.  As an entrepreneur, you are every department that makes the business work.  And me as my own HR department, I didn't build a great work/life flow policy.  My policy that I had in place was that you don't get paid time off.  When you don't work you don't make money.  I didn't want to abandon my business.

I'm going to repeat that last sentence.  I felt that by taking time off- I was abandoning my business.  This was the truth I was telling myself.  This is was what was getting me out of bed in the morning but as time went on-it was this truth that was keeping me in bed for hours in the morning.  

After successfully planning and executing our amazing wedding in July, I jumped right back into the hustle.  I "took off" 2 weeks before the wedding trying to relax and have space to focus on the wedding but I really worked full time.  I just wasn't taking one on one coaching clients.    

I was working on energetic fumes.  I realized that when people were asking if we were taking a Honeymoon after the wedding- they were really asking- Are you taking a break from working so hard?  I jumped right back to work.

Rookie mistake.  I didn't think I needed a break.  I just threw a huge party with over 150 people, ran my business and married my best friend...business as usual.  I'll sleep when I'm dead.  

What the hell?! I'll sleep when I'm dead?!  That's the same mentality I had when I worked for Corporate.  That's the same mentality that had me in a hospital bed two times within 6 months.  That's the same mentality that had my mind in a anxiety riddled fog where making the simplest of decisions difficult.  

I am a self care career coach!  SELF CARE! And here I was pushing myself to the limit of exhaustion because- That's the habit I created for 20 years.  Is there any hope to quit this nonsense?

YES! By saying NO!  It takes practice!

I had started the year with building self care time into my calendar but the fear of not making the rent or paying off my bills freaked me out to push harder and work non stop.  My mind was telling me that time off meant I was abandoning my dream.  "What a quitter."  I wasn't a quitter- that's not how I was raised.   

I was ignoring the preflight instruction of placing the oxygen mask on my face first before helping others.  

I had fallen off the self care wagon.  Fear of failure, fear of not supporting those who needed my help, and fear of not paying those bills off- fueled my push to keep on working.

What did I do differently?

I started to be still and focus on my body's warning signals of burnout- insomnia, extreme exhaustion, trouble making decisions, lack of appetite, my muscles started to spasm, and my shoulder and lower back started to ache.  

Each night, as I sat with the heating pad on my shoulder and lower back, slamming down 3 Advil at a clip- I realized I need to build more self care time into my life.  But I can't keep working until I start to fall apart.  This isn't effective.

I wasn't walking the talk!  I was dishing the self care advice but I wasn't taking it.  I needed to take it.  My body was screaming "You have to take it!"  

So I took a week off.  Unapologetic and more aware.  

I turned on my out of office responses, I asked my VA to be on the lookout to set up Discovery calls, and I didn't look at my business email accounts.  I didn't visit my LinkedIn account to prevent myself from connecting with the business world.  I spent time with friends and family and slept A LOT!  I did a lot of nothing.  

This is a huge success.  Busyness equals productivity.  Another mantra I was telling myself.  That's true to a certain point.  Busyness to exhaustion equals less productivity.  I had to shift my mindset about stillness.  

I checked my Calm.com app and realized that I hadn't meditated in weeks!  I got back to practicing my 5+ minutes of mindfulness and gratitude each day.  

I am getting back into the practice of looking at my week ahead on Sundays and padding some self care time into each day.  

I also got my workout routine back on track by joining my friends' Fitbit step challenges.  I upped my step goal back to 10K steps.  I was coasting on 5K steps just to make myself feel accomplished.  I knew that getting my daily 10K step goal back on track would make me feel better.  And it has.  I've even won a challenge this week.

August may have started to become my slow down season but I need to build some slow down into September and beyond.  

"Fear can leave you powerless or powerful...it's how you choose to use it."  
-Joyel Crawford