Reinventing Joy

This is my last blog of the year.  Ah but this is not my last blog ever! I've been challenged with a month of illness and working way too hard and way too late. Last night I worked until 8pm. Dumb because I am recovering from my back to back illnesses based on my low immune system and high work load. I am about to get ready to out to ring in the New Year with a new friend. What a doozy of a year! It may have had some set backs but all in all I think it was pretty damn amazing.  Opening my heart, maintaining my health, trying new things, traveling to new places, speaking up for myself, cutting out toxic drama, auditioning for national singing and acting contests and singing every chance I can get. I think I am going to continue to find my sound in the New Year as I get geared up to work out at least 3 times a week, continue to log my food in my WW online tool, prepare to take this PHR exam one final time, and get ready to rock my brains out at Rock N Roll Fantasy camp as ...

I survived the holidays. I enjoyed seeing my parents and my aunt who is like a 2nd mom to me. We convened in Richmond, VA. I didn't drink a full bottle of wine. Only a glass or two each night. I was impressed by one cousin's recent adjustment to the loss of his father where the other cousin (his sister) troubles me. I keep forgetting that she is only a year younger. We have lost some many things in common. She's newly married. I was her bridesmaid(I mentioned her in past posts). Mom seriously had a "you can't hurry love. No you just have to wait." talk with me. I can't compare my cousin's missteps that landed her with a new husband, soon to be new car and new career. She's made some major mistakes in life, totaled a lot of cars, defaulted on several loans, dropped out of a full scholarship due to partying, bilked her parents for thousands and thinks she is living Rent the musical for real. It's not about the monetary things but it's a rea...

Well, it was bound to happen. It's a small city and I enjoy an eclectic collection of music. As I was leaving a good Mellencamp concert. I would have said great but it was shortened by his bio pic at the beginning of the show- who do I see with another woman on his arm but Harvey. I had been thinking about him very often lately and wondering how our first encounter would go once I ran into him. Of course he was enjoying himself in the company of this other woman and laughing as he was walking toward me. He didn't notice me. I was walking past him and punched him on the arm and said "Hello Stranger." He spun around and said "Hi! How are you?!" I responded in my most I'm damn fine without your non committal ass in my life tone saying "I'm great and you?" He responded "I'm good." He was still walking backward as his date was standing there in awe. I turned around and kept on walking. It was odd and liberating at the same ...

So I'm sitting here at the Mellencamp concert and thinking- I need to really pursue my career full time in music. Of course, John, yes I can call him by his first name because he'll never read this blog! John made the executive decision to show a 2 hr documentary before the actual concert begins. Brass ones, Right?! If you're John Cougar Mellencamp you can do whatever you want because you're the star! So with that being said I have a 20 minute intermission and time to get some popcorn and contemplate my future in singing. I too can control the masses and make people wait an hour to see me! It's just that easy. NOT! Well, I will continue to find my vocal sound and try to hatch my diabolical scheme to rock it in the USA!

Ok, so I am not going to give up on my dream to be a rock star. I never heard back from The Voice but then my eyes caught a pop up add for auditions for the Kandi Project. Kandi Burres is the Grammy Award winning artist featured on The Housewives Of Atlanta. She made Tardy for the Party a success! If you watch the show you'll the song if which I speak. I want to keep trying to dip my toes in the music business. This is the year of finding my sound and i am not going to let this dream go. I got turned down for a job I posted for on Friday. I don't want to give up. I posted for another promotion in Elgin, IL. Its outside of Chicago. Cold but I feel like I need to keep trying to grow and learn more in the company I work for. Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.4

I lost another 0.6 pounds this week. It was tough! I wanted to eat the world. I am ready for the weekend and a little more rest.

I don't know why I do it! I do it every weekend and sometimes on the weekdays. I manage to Wallow in Self Loathing and punishment by watching sappy romantic Hallmark or Lifetime movie Originals about the sassy single lady who is buzzing through life and is trying to have it all and is plauged with being single. I enter into a surreal and often spot on portrayal of some of my own romantic failings only to see the TV "me" win the dashing handsome dude in the end. Her successful capture is sealed with a long embrace or kiss. Watching these televised happy sappy endings always puts me into this rut of asking "when is my Hallmark Lifetime After school True Hollywood Story Happy sappy ending?!" My fabulous and supportive friends will say things like "you are worth waiting for and so is Mr. Right." And that helps heals the wounds. But like an addict, I crave this weekly cycle of self loathing and have been finding it difficult to spiral upward out of m...