He's Leaving on that Midnight Train to Philly! (Actually he's driving there)

"So how are things with you and your boyfriend?"  

 We just celebrated our 1 year anniversary last Monday!  Huzzah!  It's a world record in my relationship track record.  

 How are we doing?  Well.  We're doing well.  What a blah answer, right?! Last Friday, he advised that his 3 month contract has been increased to 5 months.  YAY!  He's got a steady income coming in for 5 months!  YAY! 

 IN PHILLY!  (Crickets)

 He leaves right after Christmas so we have 2 more weekends left together.  (More Crickets)

 He can’t wait to get out of Myrtle Beach.  It makes me sad because he won’t be as close and it’s going to be expensive and challenging trying to manage a for real long distance relationship for that long.  

 I’m going to try my best to budget my travel up there.  The other challenge is that he would prefer to move back to Philly permanently.  Remember my posts about moving to Myrtle Beach?  Well this is an even stronger negative feeling.

 I really hate the idea of moving back up North but he is so excited and wants me to just jump back North.  I love him to bits but he’s still getting himself settled career wise and I’m not really confident that moving to be in a place that I am not looking forward to returning to will be a good thing.  

 It brings me to tears to leave a place I have loved and have found myself/my sound  To leave the new and dear friends I have here breaks my heart.

Everyone (including my boyfriend) is telling me to "play it by ear."  I will do my best to keep things fresh.  The last long distance relationship I had…the guy got super possessive and clingy and it chased me away ( he also sent my stuff back to me C.O.D when we ended things- Yes! People actually still send stuff C.O.D!)

He says he’s OK with me being down here but sends me job postings for Philly daily and tells me about  all of these connections for music and theater he can get for me.  But I don’t want to move!  

I’m scared that he is going to choose Philly over me (dumb thought) and I’m feeling guilty because I’m choosing SC over him.  I feel in my bones that if I move just to be with him that I will resent the move.  I have no desire to move to a place that’s busy and accumulates snow.  I’m not a city mouse at all.  

I'm not really a country mouse either.  I guess I'm a Suburb mouse.  

He is trying to convince me that I will love the city from his eyes. So I am going to give it a try.  That's all I can do.  (Whenever I tell myself this- I envision someone making a face when trying something very new and different)

AHHH!  It’s not that serious right?!  Just a place to live, pack up my things in about 6 months (AFTER I JUST unpacked from my newest residence with a 12 month lease) and chase a man that loves me for me warts and all.  That's the key emotion!

 I feel like I'm chasing a man.  I don't have to do that.  And he's not asking me to do that.  

I get that relationships are about compromise but I hate to be like Beyonce singing to "put a ring on it" but..I feel like a decision like this is something that deems a deeper commitment. 

 But would that even solve this matter?  I don't think so.  This just feels like a HUGE compromise on so many levels.  

I’m afraid that after the 5 month assignment, he's going to ask me to move up there.  And I do it.  I pack my things and move.

Then I worry (something I do as a side hobby) that after moving up there, I’m not going to like living in the city and turn into one of those hyper vigilant chicks that takes self defense classes and carries pepper spray again in each pocket, watches GI Jane and Panic Room a thousand time and holds my keys like a knuckle ring to pierce the eyes of a potential attacker.  

Maybe I’m stretching a bit.  Past city experiences: I visit NYC and get right off the train, hail a cab and get to my location stat.  I talk to no one but the cab driver.  I look no one in the eye and walk with purpose.  

Anyway, that’s what’s been going on.  I also have bronchitis and haven’t been able to rest because I’m working from home which isn’t making me feel or get any better.  Health voice=muted.

In other news, the play The Trials and Tribulations of a Trailer Trash Housewife is going really well.  Met the playwright- Del Shores last week!  It was magical!
Me and Del Shores

We have 2 more shows left and then I sing at the Charleston Music Hall on 12/27 with Uncle Mingo!

I am looking forward to the holidays to relax for even just one day.  Work feels like a Thanksgiving plate from Hell.  Too many things on the plate and you can never eat it all in one sitting.  

For New Years, my boyfriend has a gig in Long Island with multiple Elvis impersonators.  So we’ll be ringing in the New Year with a ton of Elvi (he says that’s plural for Elvis).  That will be super fun!

I'm certain I'm wasting a worry and need to let it ride.  That's what I aim to do!



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