The Waiting is The Hardest Part


I am less than 24 hours away from finding out if I've gotten an internal job I've been pining for. I am giving it another go inside the company. I applied in May and it's almost July.  It's killing me!  I got word from the hiring manager that he's "still working it through with HR." I'm not sure what that means.  Some have said it's nothing and to wait and see.  Others have said it could be a compensation thing.  All I know is that waiting has never been a strong suit for me.  My mom says I entered this world 3 months early at 2lbs 10oz.  

I can't wait to find out!  I want to either drink a bottle of champagne to either celebrate closure or a new beginning.  I am anxious and hopeful too.  I just want to kick this weekend off with some type of relief.  Getting this position would be right in my leadership and learning/development wheelhouse.  PS I would be back on the road and seeing the country. God's country but nonetheless- something.  I have been feeling itchy and restless.  I also have realizing for the first time that I need to take a few things off my after work list and slow down.  

My friends have told me that I do too much but I never believe them.  Until this most recent week.  I'm in a World Premier of an original play called "Folly Beach" and we open in a few weeks.  I feel pretty confident that I'll be good to go by opening but I had to put Joyel & The Side Hustle to the side.  I also took a break from guitar because I realized I was practicing at lessons more than I was at home.  No good.  I have been picking up on other folks gigs getting my voice out there but I need to slow down.  I don't want another vocal destruction to happen like last year.  I also have another play "The Lyons" opening in late August/September.  I close out the year in "The Trials and Tribulations of Trailer Park Housewife." I didn't mean to commit to so much theater but they are challenging and new and sassy and I get a chance to work with some super talented actors in theaters I've yet to work in.  Musically, my Side Hustle has been a bit distracted.  I am also getting in my own way regarding a recording I NEED to lay down but I'm fearful of its success. STUPID! Yes, I know.  But let me get out of my own way in my own time! That waiting is hard too.  I need to motivate!

I am also realizing that my relationship needs more attention.  I need to calm down and stop rushing through life. I just had the epiphany that I have always been a single woman dating a single man.  In this situation, I am a single woman dating a man who wants me not to be single.  Meaning, if I want to settle down I can't "run the streets" as my dad says.  My boyfriend and I had a deep talk about this and it was really scary to realize that the thing I've always wanted is in my life is right in front of me but if I don't slow down a bit, I may miss it and become a single woman dating a single man.  I think waiting for time and the relationship to marinate is something that I can deal with.  Rushing into things has always ended badly.  I'm pretty excited to enjoy the ride with this guy.  I've waited a long time to finally have this type of relationship- healthy, open and normal and I am running away from it.  I need help but my therapist seems to think I'm "fine".  

No matter what.  I will be the same person tomorrow with different circumstances.  I'm really excited about it. The alternative would suck. :-P

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